The other day I was walking home and feeling a bit blue, probably just because it is January. To cheer myself up I began making a list of all my family and my friends and people that I have known and loved throughout my life. I reached home about 20 minutes later and had not stopped counting, but I was feeling extremely lucky to be me.
Here are a few of some old Tommy Cooper jokes that Tania and Robert sent me yesterday: ( they liked 9 best, but I liked 2 as it reminded me of silly breakfasts with Mas.)
1. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
2. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
3. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
4. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
5. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice
6. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bast**d!'
7. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places’ the doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'
8. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?''Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him' so he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed? No, because he's really heavy.
9. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!